Post by ricardo on May 1, 2008 12:03:21 GMT -5
I AM DARKNESS!
I AM THE NIGHT!
I!
AM!
BAT-… BRIAN FUCKING KLESKO, THAT’S WHO!
The cameras flicker to life as the signal buzzes in, bringing the image of Brian Klesko dressed in a cheap Batman Halloween costume to life. Hastily he rips off the costume and now stares at the camera with a serious expression that is quite unlike his usual self.
I’m sorry but I heard a few rumors that an appearance by Batman on your behalf would guarantee a victory for your upcoming match and well-… I couldn’t resist. But really guys… we all know there are people out there who are better than Batman.
Brian Klesko rips open his buttoned shirt, revealing a superman t-shirt underneath.
Oh it’s true… it’s damn true! Anyway, back to business. I know, I know… you wanted to see me dressed as another super hero real badly and it might not be a half bad idea to put on an old school yellow and blue Wolverine costume but sometime during this promo I‘ve got to actually, you know… do what people do and talk trash about my opponents. It‘s cool, it‘s hip, it‘s trendy… all the cool kids are doing it ya know?! The thing is… you couldn‘t honestly expect anyone, much less me, to stand idly by while everyone talked about me and not say anything in return. Well okay, I could do that very easily but I‘m usually more inclined when it’s a dozen hot babes and I‘m signing autographs and I hate to say it but… Jake Anderson, you are no hot babe. You neither Khanrai, though I know you‘re trying really hard!
Cued laughter begins.
Honestly though, there have been a few things said lately that I just don‘t particularly care for. First up we have people questioning as to why I‘ve been put into this match at all. Well, if you really want to know why-… it‘s because I‘m Brian fucking Klesko, that‘s why! Who are you to question the ways of the Klesko?! I’m a former Xtreme Chaos Champion! Who are you? Some stoner? Some Canadian? A glam rock rock n rollah? Get out of here! I‘m the guy that finally got through to Dewey Cheatum Howe! I‘m the guy that invented the Mountain Dew commercial! You‘re nothing! A nobody! A joke!
Oh wait, the joke is me… right?
Why? Because I like to have fun? Because I’m not a roided freakazoid complaining about his love life in front of the camera? Because I love going to Taco Hut and partying with my best friend? Well fuck me sideways! I’m a joke because I think wrestling is fun and I do all that crazy shit and act like a moron and all that jazz! But hey, at least I’m good at something right? But let me tell you one thing, boys. Do you know how many people have taken me lightly by thinking I was a joke only to regret it when I beat them? A lot! Dozens! Kleskillions! You know I may not be the best wrestler ever. Shit, say what you want about how I wrestle and lead my life. Lord knows Dan and I are infamous for bending the rules in our favor. But if you so much as think you’re going to have an easy time with me… if you think I’m just the fool and wonder why you’re even fighting me…
Then sorry buddy, but the joke is on you.
Klesko smiles with a satisfied grin. He then pulls out five rings from his pocket and holds them up for the camera to see.
EARTH!
FIRE!
WIND!
WATER!
HEART!
With your powers combined, I am Captain Klesko!
A bright light flashes and suddenly Klesko is dressed in a Captain Planet outfit. He smiles triumphantly, then jumps off-screen as the promo comes to a conclusion.
I AM THE NIGHT!
I!
AM!
BAT-… BRIAN FUCKING KLESKO, THAT’S WHO!
The cameras flicker to life as the signal buzzes in, bringing the image of Brian Klesko dressed in a cheap Batman Halloween costume to life. Hastily he rips off the costume and now stares at the camera with a serious expression that is quite unlike his usual self.
I’m sorry but I heard a few rumors that an appearance by Batman on your behalf would guarantee a victory for your upcoming match and well-… I couldn’t resist. But really guys… we all know there are people out there who are better than Batman.
Brian Klesko rips open his buttoned shirt, revealing a superman t-shirt underneath.
Oh it’s true… it’s damn true! Anyway, back to business. I know, I know… you wanted to see me dressed as another super hero real badly and it might not be a half bad idea to put on an old school yellow and blue Wolverine costume but sometime during this promo I‘ve got to actually, you know… do what people do and talk trash about my opponents. It‘s cool, it‘s hip, it‘s trendy… all the cool kids are doing it ya know?! The thing is… you couldn‘t honestly expect anyone, much less me, to stand idly by while everyone talked about me and not say anything in return. Well okay, I could do that very easily but I‘m usually more inclined when it’s a dozen hot babes and I‘m signing autographs and I hate to say it but… Jake Anderson, you are no hot babe. You neither Khanrai, though I know you‘re trying really hard!
Cued laughter begins.
Honestly though, there have been a few things said lately that I just don‘t particularly care for. First up we have people questioning as to why I‘ve been put into this match at all. Well, if you really want to know why-… it‘s because I‘m Brian fucking Klesko, that‘s why! Who are you to question the ways of the Klesko?! I’m a former Xtreme Chaos Champion! Who are you? Some stoner? Some Canadian? A glam rock rock n rollah? Get out of here! I‘m the guy that finally got through to Dewey Cheatum Howe! I‘m the guy that invented the Mountain Dew commercial! You‘re nothing! A nobody! A joke!
Oh wait, the joke is me… right?
Why? Because I like to have fun? Because I’m not a roided freakazoid complaining about his love life in front of the camera? Because I love going to Taco Hut and partying with my best friend? Well fuck me sideways! I’m a joke because I think wrestling is fun and I do all that crazy shit and act like a moron and all that jazz! But hey, at least I’m good at something right? But let me tell you one thing, boys. Do you know how many people have taken me lightly by thinking I was a joke only to regret it when I beat them? A lot! Dozens! Kleskillions! You know I may not be the best wrestler ever. Shit, say what you want about how I wrestle and lead my life. Lord knows Dan and I are infamous for bending the rules in our favor. But if you so much as think you’re going to have an easy time with me… if you think I’m just the fool and wonder why you’re even fighting me…
Then sorry buddy, but the joke is on you.
Klesko smiles with a satisfied grin. He then pulls out five rings from his pocket and holds them up for the camera to see.
EARTH!
FIRE!
WIND!
WATER!
HEART!
With your powers combined, I am Captain Klesko!
A bright light flashes and suddenly Klesko is dressed in a Captain Planet outfit. He smiles triumphantly, then jumps off-screen as the promo comes to a conclusion.