Post by Joe Summers on May 1, 2008 21:35:46 GMT -5
“Maybe you just had a bit too much to drink?”
“…I only had one beer, and I wasn’t even finished that. There’s absolutely no way that it’s because I was drunk!”
I spoke bitterly to Dante, hoping that he would realize just how serious of an issue this was to me. For better or for worse, he simply shrugged. He probably figured that it wasn’t worth arguing with me when I was in this kind of mood. A wise enough assumption, but I still don’t think he understood just how much this meant to me. Ever since the…incident…last night, the two of us have spent the better part of the day trying to figure out just what the hell was going on. Or at least…I was. He didn’t seem to care too much, but what did I expect from a man who was probably only currently sitting in the kitchen of my house for two simple reasons: I demanded that he be there and he expected free food after the two of us were finished…
“Well, I’m just saying. You pretty much stopped drinking for the most part, so who knows? Maybe you’re a lightweight now. It happens, Joe. Just accept it and move on.”
“…I’m being serious about this. There had to be a fucking reason that I saw him!”
“Are you sure it wasn’t just your imagination?”
I nodded immediately, not even bothering to think about something that I already knew the answer to.
“Positive. It seemed way too real for that to be the only explanation for it. And besides, the way he was acting…I wouldn’t want to imagine anyone acting like that towards me. Especially him…”
“Well, it has to be something like that. I mean, it couldn’t have actually been him, considering…”
“I know, I know. Considering that he’s…you know, dead.”
I frowned, looking down at the floor as I said that. I understood that death was a normal part of life that, no matter how hard, is something that you can’t avoid but…something about Marc’s still bugged me…
“Hey, well…this is the first time you’ve…seen him, right?”
“I guess you could say that, yeah. I mean…it isn’t, but it is.”
“So this isn’t really the first time, then?”
Dante now seemed interested in what I had to say…probably because I’ve never mentioned anything like this to him before. That really shouldn’t have been a surprise, though. I never had reason to mention something like this to him before.
“It’s the first time that he ever actually spoke to me. Not the first time that I’ve ever seen him, though. I’ve actually seen him a few times before this. But it’s so weird…because I usually just tried to convince myself that I was seeing things. You know, that maybe I was just thinking about him and not paying attention and that’s why it seemed like he was standing somewhere that he obviously couldn’t be. That becomes a lot harder to do when you actually hear the voice and see that…that smirk…”
I frowned yet again. For those who didn’t know, to put it simply…Marc was known by one thing and one thing only: his smirk. It was always on his face, whether he was happy, upset, pissed, or actually feeling smug enough for it to belong on his face. Now, obviously…he’s not the only person that smirks. Hell, even I smirk all the time. The thing is…his was just so…different from everyone else’s that I’ve ever seen in my life that just seeing it up close was enough to let me know that it definitely him.
“When did this start becoming…I don’t know…regular, I guess? Like, when did it start reaching the point that you actually had to start making excuses about it like you said that you were…”
“After Tim came around and I decided that I needed to go talk to my dad about…stuff. I shrugged it off then as me just being a little bit…flustered by what went down between the two of us, but…ever since then, it started becoming a bit more regular. Every time was exactly the same time…he’d just stand there, stare at me, and then not be there when I looked back to make sure that I was seeing things right.”
“Weird.”
Dante went silent in thought for a moment, as I simply sat there and…did the same, I guess. After what seemed like much longer than it probably was, Dante simply shrugged.
“I think you’re just making a big deal out of nothing, man. I mean, maybe you just miss him. The two of you were best friends, after all. Maybe something just happened that made you think of him a bit more than you normally would and you just didn’t realize it…and that’s why you’re seeing him. I mean, it could literally be anything, Joe! What makes you think that it means something significant?”
“I…just…I don’t know. It just feels like it is, I guess. After all, think about how our relationship was for a minute. It isn’t exactly like the two of us always saw eye to eye. Hell, we never saw eye to eye! The only time that he’d ask me a question at all, especially one like the one he did at the bar…it was because he disagreed with me! It was like he wanted to see how shitty of an explanation I could give to some things…just so he could rip it apart and me feel stupid! So like, for him to go and question this…it’s just…almost like he’s up there trying to tell me how much of an idiot I am for believing what I believe!”
“Now, now…you should know that I’d never do that…”
Not again…
Maybe it was because of how recently it just happened, or maybe deep down I was actually expecting it…but as soon as I heard the voice change to the one of my deceased best friend, I…actually managed to remain calm. Or rather, as calm as one possibly could be in a situation such as that…
“Really now, Joe…when have I ever gone and completely disrespected your opinion? I mean really…I normally only did that because I knew that it would get a reaction out of you. I knew that it would bug you. I always agreed with what you said…because after all, you were always right…right?”
I gritted my teeth and, using every little bit of will power that I had, tried my hardest not to look at him. I knew what would happen if I did…and I couldn’t risk letting this whole thing bother me more than it already was. I just…couldn’t.
“So why, Joe? Why is this such a big deal to you? Do you really have a reason for believing that me talking to you means anywhere near as much as you want to think that it does?”
I sighed, still trying to do everything in my power to keep myself from looking at him. The temptation to do so eventually became too much, however, as what had to have been a look of anger formed on my face as I looked up to answer his questions…only to notice that one again, my friend Dante was sitting right there, the same look of confusion on his face that was on the man at the bar’s…
“…Are you okay, Joe?”
I nodded, though I knew it was a lie. How could I honestly believe that I was okay after that?
“Yeah…I guess. I think I just need to chill for a bit, that’s all. Try to get my mind off of this.”
“Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
Dante nodded. I was glad the two of us were on the same page about this…that we both believed I just needed to try and take my mind off of it. Now it was just a matter of whether or not he would let me…
“…I only had one beer, and I wasn’t even finished that. There’s absolutely no way that it’s because I was drunk!”
I spoke bitterly to Dante, hoping that he would realize just how serious of an issue this was to me. For better or for worse, he simply shrugged. He probably figured that it wasn’t worth arguing with me when I was in this kind of mood. A wise enough assumption, but I still don’t think he understood just how much this meant to me. Ever since the…incident…last night, the two of us have spent the better part of the day trying to figure out just what the hell was going on. Or at least…I was. He didn’t seem to care too much, but what did I expect from a man who was probably only currently sitting in the kitchen of my house for two simple reasons: I demanded that he be there and he expected free food after the two of us were finished…
“Well, I’m just saying. You pretty much stopped drinking for the most part, so who knows? Maybe you’re a lightweight now. It happens, Joe. Just accept it and move on.”
“…I’m being serious about this. There had to be a fucking reason that I saw him!”
“Are you sure it wasn’t just your imagination?”
I nodded immediately, not even bothering to think about something that I already knew the answer to.
“Positive. It seemed way too real for that to be the only explanation for it. And besides, the way he was acting…I wouldn’t want to imagine anyone acting like that towards me. Especially him…”
“Well, it has to be something like that. I mean, it couldn’t have actually been him, considering…”
“I know, I know. Considering that he’s…you know, dead.”
I frowned, looking down at the floor as I said that. I understood that death was a normal part of life that, no matter how hard, is something that you can’t avoid but…something about Marc’s still bugged me…
“Hey, well…this is the first time you’ve…seen him, right?”
“I guess you could say that, yeah. I mean…it isn’t, but it is.”
“So this isn’t really the first time, then?”
Dante now seemed interested in what I had to say…probably because I’ve never mentioned anything like this to him before. That really shouldn’t have been a surprise, though. I never had reason to mention something like this to him before.
“It’s the first time that he ever actually spoke to me. Not the first time that I’ve ever seen him, though. I’ve actually seen him a few times before this. But it’s so weird…because I usually just tried to convince myself that I was seeing things. You know, that maybe I was just thinking about him and not paying attention and that’s why it seemed like he was standing somewhere that he obviously couldn’t be. That becomes a lot harder to do when you actually hear the voice and see that…that smirk…”
I frowned yet again. For those who didn’t know, to put it simply…Marc was known by one thing and one thing only: his smirk. It was always on his face, whether he was happy, upset, pissed, or actually feeling smug enough for it to belong on his face. Now, obviously…he’s not the only person that smirks. Hell, even I smirk all the time. The thing is…his was just so…different from everyone else’s that I’ve ever seen in my life that just seeing it up close was enough to let me know that it definitely him.
“When did this start becoming…I don’t know…regular, I guess? Like, when did it start reaching the point that you actually had to start making excuses about it like you said that you were…”
“After Tim came around and I decided that I needed to go talk to my dad about…stuff. I shrugged it off then as me just being a little bit…flustered by what went down between the two of us, but…ever since then, it started becoming a bit more regular. Every time was exactly the same time…he’d just stand there, stare at me, and then not be there when I looked back to make sure that I was seeing things right.”
“Weird.”
Dante went silent in thought for a moment, as I simply sat there and…did the same, I guess. After what seemed like much longer than it probably was, Dante simply shrugged.
“I think you’re just making a big deal out of nothing, man. I mean, maybe you just miss him. The two of you were best friends, after all. Maybe something just happened that made you think of him a bit more than you normally would and you just didn’t realize it…and that’s why you’re seeing him. I mean, it could literally be anything, Joe! What makes you think that it means something significant?”
“I…just…I don’t know. It just feels like it is, I guess. After all, think about how our relationship was for a minute. It isn’t exactly like the two of us always saw eye to eye. Hell, we never saw eye to eye! The only time that he’d ask me a question at all, especially one like the one he did at the bar…it was because he disagreed with me! It was like he wanted to see how shitty of an explanation I could give to some things…just so he could rip it apart and me feel stupid! So like, for him to go and question this…it’s just…almost like he’s up there trying to tell me how much of an idiot I am for believing what I believe!”
“Now, now…you should know that I’d never do that…”
Not again…
Maybe it was because of how recently it just happened, or maybe deep down I was actually expecting it…but as soon as I heard the voice change to the one of my deceased best friend, I…actually managed to remain calm. Or rather, as calm as one possibly could be in a situation such as that…
“Really now, Joe…when have I ever gone and completely disrespected your opinion? I mean really…I normally only did that because I knew that it would get a reaction out of you. I knew that it would bug you. I always agreed with what you said…because after all, you were always right…right?”
I gritted my teeth and, using every little bit of will power that I had, tried my hardest not to look at him. I knew what would happen if I did…and I couldn’t risk letting this whole thing bother me more than it already was. I just…couldn’t.
“So why, Joe? Why is this such a big deal to you? Do you really have a reason for believing that me talking to you means anywhere near as much as you want to think that it does?”
I sighed, still trying to do everything in my power to keep myself from looking at him. The temptation to do so eventually became too much, however, as what had to have been a look of anger formed on my face as I looked up to answer his questions…only to notice that one again, my friend Dante was sitting right there, the same look of confusion on his face that was on the man at the bar’s…
“…Are you okay, Joe?”
I nodded, though I knew it was a lie. How could I honestly believe that I was okay after that?
“Yeah…I guess. I think I just need to chill for a bit, that’s all. Try to get my mind off of this.”
“Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
Dante nodded. I was glad the two of us were on the same page about this…that we both believed I just needed to try and take my mind off of it. Now it was just a matter of whether or not he would let me…
