Post by Abraham on May 27, 2008 20:44:13 GMT -5
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I told you I'm contractually obligated to write these damn things thanks to Charles, so with out further ado, here's a CPW website for people who aren't 13 year old jerk offs, brain dead bimbos, or chimpanzees. This means that if you're a Steffi fan this site isn't for you, go read hers you losers, but all the rest of you should enjoy this.
As I type this it is 3 am and I'm on a plane to Tampa, Florida. My manager Brett Abraham, known to you people as Mr. B, has no idea what I'm planning. He thinks I'm going to stay in California until Summer Blast-Off. He's an idiot. I need to get ready for my TLC at Summer Blast-Off match and my match against the Duel Pandemonium champions and Hardcore Heaven and I know just the way to make sure me and Ricky Ray are going to be ready.
Is Ricky going to like it?
No.
Does he have a choice?
No.
Pure Mayhem went well for us though not as predicted. I expected us to go in and kick ass, which we did, but I sure as hell didn't expect things to go down the way they did. Oh well. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed because I didn't actually get to fight in the match but thats how the cookie crumbles. I guess as long as I get to hurt someone, and I did, this time it was that Canadian bitch Anderson, the night's not a total loss. Once again Ricky Ray and I showed why we are to be feared and respected. And that's all I'm going to say on that matter.
On to Summer Blast-Off. Regardless of what some other companies might tell you, this is the biggest party of the summer. Order now, only $39.99 and only on Pay-Per-View.
Mandatory shameless plug out of the way...I'm really looking forward to this match. Its been over a year since I've been in any sort of ladder match but, believe me, they're fun. Honestly I'm sure all teams will go on to try and convince you all that they're the best and the rest of us suck, yadda yadda yadda, anybody whose been watching pro wrestling more than three months knows what to expect here. So I'm not going to do that, but since I'm in a good more or maybe just suppering from delusions due to lack of sleep (whichever), I'll break things down for you all and let the rest of you decide.
Tempest/Damian = jobbers. Its a simple equation, so you'd have to be fucking retarded not to figure this one out. Hell I heard that Tempest chick quit and went back to FCW so I don't know what the fuck she's doing on this card. Though honestly I don't care. With matches like this ratings go up when people bleed like stuck pigs so I'm guessing thats what these two are in this match for. They'll come out, get destroyed in some ridiculous, messy spot and as a result CPW makes more money.
Diana/Tyler Evans, also known as the shitty Tyler and rightfully so. But hey unlike the two I previously mentioned above at least these two have won a couple matches though I still think they're only put in this match to get the shit kicked out of them so ratings can go up, plus I think this Tyler likes to jump off of high areas. I guess management figures if he jumps off a 20ft ladder, lands on a chair and breaks his fucking neck, ratings will go up. They're probably right to. But then again the guy does have some potential and his chic actually as some talent. Maybe she'll carry this team close to the gold. Then again probably not, since when it comes to partners she really doesn't have much to work with.
The Princes. I'll say it once and I'll say it again, Andrew Helms is the single most overrated little queen this business has ever seen. I'm trying to be objective here, but it's hard when I have to write about this whiny little multi-time transitional champion. Seriously he ranks right up there with Dave Helms and Solidus fucking Filth. Actually I take it back, most people acknowledge the fact that Filth sucks so he doesn't count as overrated. Anyways I have no doubt that people will think these guys are the odds on favorites and truth be told they do have talent. I'll also admit that that fucking highlight real Helms likes to use hurts like a bitch when he slams you off the top of the ladder with it. I learned that the hard way last year. Still they're just not as good as everybody says. Both these guys are veterans and know they're way around the ring and they've both been in this type of match before. So I'll admit, unlike the previous two teams I mentioned, these overrated dip shits might actually be a threat. Still I expect these guys will get cocky in the match and overestimate their abilities. Oh well, I'll be sure to bring them back to reality. These are paupers not princes and they, along with everyone else, will realize that soon enough.
Shane/Burress. Okay these guys have actually got me a bit worried. They're confident, ring savvy, dangerous in they're own right and have got their friends to back them up. They're not overrated like two certain pretentious little shits mentioned above, and they have proven dominant. I expect it will be mostly Shane climbing for the contracts since he seems to be the most comfortable in the air and Elliot has a style similar to mine so he'll want to focus on one person and keep them on the ground. In a team match this is not a bad strategy since you only need one guy to grab the contracts. However these guys are good but they are not invincible like they seem to enjoy believing. They can be beaten, they can be bloodied and in this sort of match it is certainly very possible for these bastards to be broken. I'm not saying its easy to do so, simply that it is possible. These stoners seem to think they're gods, when they step into the ring with me and Ricky Sunday, they best remember they're mortals.
Ricky Ray/Iron Head. Okay this is my team, but I'm going to try and be as objective as possible. We're going to fucking dominate. Never mind, cancel that whole objective thing. I've been in ladder matches before and I'm sure Ricky has to, we are not in unfamiliar territory here. There's a reason everybody's already considering us the dark horse of the match. It is because since we've started teaming together and getting our careers back on track we have been unstoppable. True neither of us has ever been in a TLC match but we've both got lots of experience with tables, some with ladders and chairs, yeah, we know how to use those. Considering there is only one team in this entire fucking match that I'm really concerned with, this shouldn't be a problem. Besides like I said earlier, I've got a way to make damn sure we're both ready.
My plane's landing now so I'll just say this. To my fans, see you all Sunday; and to my competitors may God or Satan have mercy on you because Ricky and I sure as hell won't.
-Iron Head.
I told you I'm contractually obligated to write these damn things thanks to Charles, so with out further ado, here's a CPW website for people who aren't 13 year old jerk offs, brain dead bimbos, or chimpanzees. This means that if you're a Steffi fan this site isn't for you, go read hers you losers, but all the rest of you should enjoy this.
As I type this it is 3 am and I'm on a plane to Tampa, Florida. My manager Brett Abraham, known to you people as Mr. B, has no idea what I'm planning. He thinks I'm going to stay in California until Summer Blast-Off. He's an idiot. I need to get ready for my TLC at Summer Blast-Off match and my match against the Duel Pandemonium champions and Hardcore Heaven and I know just the way to make sure me and Ricky Ray are going to be ready.
Is Ricky going to like it?
No.
Does he have a choice?
No.
Pure Mayhem went well for us though not as predicted. I expected us to go in and kick ass, which we did, but I sure as hell didn't expect things to go down the way they did. Oh well. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed because I didn't actually get to fight in the match but thats how the cookie crumbles. I guess as long as I get to hurt someone, and I did, this time it was that Canadian bitch Anderson, the night's not a total loss. Once again Ricky Ray and I showed why we are to be feared and respected. And that's all I'm going to say on that matter.
On to Summer Blast-Off. Regardless of what some other companies might tell you, this is the biggest party of the summer. Order now, only $39.99 and only on Pay-Per-View.
Mandatory shameless plug out of the way...I'm really looking forward to this match. Its been over a year since I've been in any sort of ladder match but, believe me, they're fun. Honestly I'm sure all teams will go on to try and convince you all that they're the best and the rest of us suck, yadda yadda yadda, anybody whose been watching pro wrestling more than three months knows what to expect here. So I'm not going to do that, but since I'm in a good more or maybe just suppering from delusions due to lack of sleep (whichever), I'll break things down for you all and let the rest of you decide.
Tempest/Damian = jobbers. Its a simple equation, so you'd have to be fucking retarded not to figure this one out. Hell I heard that Tempest chick quit and went back to FCW so I don't know what the fuck she's doing on this card. Though honestly I don't care. With matches like this ratings go up when people bleed like stuck pigs so I'm guessing thats what these two are in this match for. They'll come out, get destroyed in some ridiculous, messy spot and as a result CPW makes more money.
Diana/Tyler Evans, also known as the shitty Tyler and rightfully so. But hey unlike the two I previously mentioned above at least these two have won a couple matches though I still think they're only put in this match to get the shit kicked out of them so ratings can go up, plus I think this Tyler likes to jump off of high areas. I guess management figures if he jumps off a 20ft ladder, lands on a chair and breaks his fucking neck, ratings will go up. They're probably right to. But then again the guy does have some potential and his chic actually as some talent. Maybe she'll carry this team close to the gold. Then again probably not, since when it comes to partners she really doesn't have much to work with.
The Princes. I'll say it once and I'll say it again, Andrew Helms is the single most overrated little queen this business has ever seen. I'm trying to be objective here, but it's hard when I have to write about this whiny little multi-time transitional champion. Seriously he ranks right up there with Dave Helms and Solidus fucking Filth. Actually I take it back, most people acknowledge the fact that Filth sucks so he doesn't count as overrated. Anyways I have no doubt that people will think these guys are the odds on favorites and truth be told they do have talent. I'll also admit that that fucking highlight real Helms likes to use hurts like a bitch when he slams you off the top of the ladder with it. I learned that the hard way last year. Still they're just not as good as everybody says. Both these guys are veterans and know they're way around the ring and they've both been in this type of match before. So I'll admit, unlike the previous two teams I mentioned, these overrated dip shits might actually be a threat. Still I expect these guys will get cocky in the match and overestimate their abilities. Oh well, I'll be sure to bring them back to reality. These are paupers not princes and they, along with everyone else, will realize that soon enough.
Shane/Burress. Okay these guys have actually got me a bit worried. They're confident, ring savvy, dangerous in they're own right and have got their friends to back them up. They're not overrated like two certain pretentious little shits mentioned above, and they have proven dominant. I expect it will be mostly Shane climbing for the contracts since he seems to be the most comfortable in the air and Elliot has a style similar to mine so he'll want to focus on one person and keep them on the ground. In a team match this is not a bad strategy since you only need one guy to grab the contracts. However these guys are good but they are not invincible like they seem to enjoy believing. They can be beaten, they can be bloodied and in this sort of match it is certainly very possible for these bastards to be broken. I'm not saying its easy to do so, simply that it is possible. These stoners seem to think they're gods, when they step into the ring with me and Ricky Sunday, they best remember they're mortals.
Ricky Ray/Iron Head. Okay this is my team, but I'm going to try and be as objective as possible. We're going to fucking dominate. Never mind, cancel that whole objective thing. I've been in ladder matches before and I'm sure Ricky has to, we are not in unfamiliar territory here. There's a reason everybody's already considering us the dark horse of the match. It is because since we've started teaming together and getting our careers back on track we have been unstoppable. True neither of us has ever been in a TLC match but we've both got lots of experience with tables, some with ladders and chairs, yeah, we know how to use those. Considering there is only one team in this entire fucking match that I'm really concerned with, this shouldn't be a problem. Besides like I said earlier, I've got a way to make damn sure we're both ready.
My plane's landing now so I'll just say this. To my fans, see you all Sunday; and to my competitors may God or Satan have mercy on you because Ricky and I sure as hell won't.
-Iron Head.