Post by Karen DiMarcio on May 30, 2008 0:49:32 GMT -5
"Mommy?"
Karen DiMarcio jumped slightly in her seat, having not expected the young child to find her in the kitchen at that hour. It was four in the morning, but sure enough Karen saw Carly headed her way as she turned toward the door. Karen had been up for some time, finding sleep to be nearly impossible, as the thoughts bouncing around in her head had made it simply impossible. She wouldn't let it show to the little girl, however, as she smiled broadly at Carly.
"What are you doing up, hon?"
"I was thirsty but you weren't upstairs.."
Karen scooped the girl up when she reached her side, standing up and setting her down on the chair in her place.
"Oh, I'm sorry..Let's get some water, then."
Carly smiled and nodded as Karen turned toward the sink, reaching to take a glass from the rack nearby. She turned on the water, checking it with a finger and waiting for it to get cool before filling the glass.
"Mommy..Why aren't you sleeping?"
Karen froze for just a moment, then quickly regained composure, finishing filling the glass and turning off the water. Turning slowly, she quickly put on another smile, heading back toward the table and handing the glass down to Carly.
"Oh, Mommy's just thinking about stuff, hon."
"What stuffs?"
"Just..Stuff about work.."
She didn't like lying to her daughter, but she certainly didn't want to try to explain things about her father to her. Still, she knew that she'd have to come up with a better answer, as sure enough the young girl was still looking up at her curious, wanting to hear more.
"What work stuffs?"
Karen sighed lightly, thinking quickly to try and come up with a way to explain what was going through her head without giving away too much or confusing the girl. Finally, crouching down next to the chair, she smiled at Carly again.
"Okay, well..You know how Cupcake likes to curl up and sleep on the back of the couch..And sometimes Poncho likes to push him off? Cupcake gets mad at Poncho then, right? And so Cupcake doesn't want to see Poncho and tries to avoid him. But, well, there are only so many places to go in the house..So sooner or later Cupcake's gonna have to see Poncho again..And they'll get along until Poncho decides to push him off the couch again, where it starts all over. There's..Somebody that's made me mad, too, and I don't really want to see them. And usually before in the past if this would happen, we'd get alone for a little while before, well.."
"They'd push you off the couch?"
Karen laughed lightly, nodding.
"Well, yeah..Basically. Except the last time it happened..We didn't get along when I went to see him. We didn't make up like Cupcake and Poncho do..And so I haven't gone back to see him since. But now I have to again..And yet I don't want to.."
Karen sighed again. It wasn't "work stuffs" like she had said, but she figured that atleast indirectly explaining her problems with her father would atleast help her feel a little bit better. And yet, as she spoke, other thoughts entered her head..Ones that instantly became painful memories.
"..But now that I think about it..I have to see him."
"Why?"
"Let me put it this way, hon. ..If Cupcake got mad at Poncho and never forgave him, what would happen?"
"They wouldn't be friends."
"Right! And that'd be bad, wouldn't it?"
"Really bad!"
"Of course. Sometimes you have to stop being mad at somebody and just accept that mistakes can happen. I may be mad at this person..But I may be making a huge mistake if I don't go see him. After all, I made a promise..Just like I did before.."
She went silent for a moment, almost not wanting to continue, but did after taking a deep breath.
"Look, Carly..Mommy made a promise to see somebody before. I promised a friend that I'd go see somebody that wanted to see me..But I didn't. I let blame and anger get in the way. But I wasn't mad at this person, no..I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself for something that happened, and I was blaming myself for it. And, well..I was afraid to visit this person because I thought he'd be mad and blame me, too. I was already beating myself up over it..I just knew that I couldn't take it if he did, too. So I was afraid..And I didn't visit him. I couldn't see his face because I was afraid that he'd hate me, and I just couldn't take it..So I broke my promise to my friend. And the person I was supposed to go see, well..He's gone now.."
"Where'd he go?"
Karen looked at Carly, who looked back with an innocent, questioning expression. Karen felt tears welling up in her eyes, but quickly blinked them away, forcing a smile and not wanting Carly to see her sad.
"He..Went away, honey."
"Is he coming back?"
"No..He's not."
She finally buckled and let a tear slip, rolling down her cheek. She quickly reached up to wipe it away, and was surprised to feel Carly reach over and try to hug her.
"It's okay, Mommy..I bet he's not mad."
Karen reached up and hugged Carly back tightly. She stifled a sob, quickly trying to regain her composure, and wiping the tears away as they broke the hug.
"I really hope so, honey..I really hope so."
Finally getting control and stopping the tears, Karen smiled again.
"But..I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. I promised your Uncle that I'd go see somebody tomorrow..And I'm going to. In fact..We're both going to.."
She stood back up, giving a quick nod.
"Yeah, that's right. I'm keeping this promise..And while I know it can't make up for the one I broke..It's never going to happen again. Ever.."
It was the promise that she had broken that had started the problems with AJ in the first place..And while her promise to her brother was an unrelated matter, she wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. Though she didn't want to see her father for different reasons than why she was afraid to visit Max, it almost felt the same. It would be different this time..
"We're going to visit Grandpa tomorrow.."
"Grandpa?"
Karen smiled softly, nodding.
"That's right.."
Karen DiMarcio jumped slightly in her seat, having not expected the young child to find her in the kitchen at that hour. It was four in the morning, but sure enough Karen saw Carly headed her way as she turned toward the door. Karen had been up for some time, finding sleep to be nearly impossible, as the thoughts bouncing around in her head had made it simply impossible. She wouldn't let it show to the little girl, however, as she smiled broadly at Carly.
"What are you doing up, hon?"
"I was thirsty but you weren't upstairs.."
Karen scooped the girl up when she reached her side, standing up and setting her down on the chair in her place.
"Oh, I'm sorry..Let's get some water, then."
Carly smiled and nodded as Karen turned toward the sink, reaching to take a glass from the rack nearby. She turned on the water, checking it with a finger and waiting for it to get cool before filling the glass.
"Mommy..Why aren't you sleeping?"
Karen froze for just a moment, then quickly regained composure, finishing filling the glass and turning off the water. Turning slowly, she quickly put on another smile, heading back toward the table and handing the glass down to Carly.
"Oh, Mommy's just thinking about stuff, hon."
"What stuffs?"
"Just..Stuff about work.."
She didn't like lying to her daughter, but she certainly didn't want to try to explain things about her father to her. Still, she knew that she'd have to come up with a better answer, as sure enough the young girl was still looking up at her curious, wanting to hear more.
"What work stuffs?"
Karen sighed lightly, thinking quickly to try and come up with a way to explain what was going through her head without giving away too much or confusing the girl. Finally, crouching down next to the chair, she smiled at Carly again.
"Okay, well..You know how Cupcake likes to curl up and sleep on the back of the couch..And sometimes Poncho likes to push him off? Cupcake gets mad at Poncho then, right? And so Cupcake doesn't want to see Poncho and tries to avoid him. But, well, there are only so many places to go in the house..So sooner or later Cupcake's gonna have to see Poncho again..And they'll get along until Poncho decides to push him off the couch again, where it starts all over. There's..Somebody that's made me mad, too, and I don't really want to see them. And usually before in the past if this would happen, we'd get alone for a little while before, well.."
"They'd push you off the couch?"
Karen laughed lightly, nodding.
"Well, yeah..Basically. Except the last time it happened..We didn't get along when I went to see him. We didn't make up like Cupcake and Poncho do..And so I haven't gone back to see him since. But now I have to again..And yet I don't want to.."
Karen sighed again. It wasn't "work stuffs" like she had said, but she figured that atleast indirectly explaining her problems with her father would atleast help her feel a little bit better. And yet, as she spoke, other thoughts entered her head..Ones that instantly became painful memories.
"..But now that I think about it..I have to see him."
"Why?"
"Let me put it this way, hon. ..If Cupcake got mad at Poncho and never forgave him, what would happen?"
"They wouldn't be friends."
"Right! And that'd be bad, wouldn't it?"
"Really bad!"
"Of course. Sometimes you have to stop being mad at somebody and just accept that mistakes can happen. I may be mad at this person..But I may be making a huge mistake if I don't go see him. After all, I made a promise..Just like I did before.."
She went silent for a moment, almost not wanting to continue, but did after taking a deep breath.
"Look, Carly..Mommy made a promise to see somebody before. I promised a friend that I'd go see somebody that wanted to see me..But I didn't. I let blame and anger get in the way. But I wasn't mad at this person, no..I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself for something that happened, and I was blaming myself for it. And, well..I was afraid to visit this person because I thought he'd be mad and blame me, too. I was already beating myself up over it..I just knew that I couldn't take it if he did, too. So I was afraid..And I didn't visit him. I couldn't see his face because I was afraid that he'd hate me, and I just couldn't take it..So I broke my promise to my friend. And the person I was supposed to go see, well..He's gone now.."
"Where'd he go?"
Karen looked at Carly, who looked back with an innocent, questioning expression. Karen felt tears welling up in her eyes, but quickly blinked them away, forcing a smile and not wanting Carly to see her sad.
"He..Went away, honey."
"Is he coming back?"
"No..He's not."
She finally buckled and let a tear slip, rolling down her cheek. She quickly reached up to wipe it away, and was surprised to feel Carly reach over and try to hug her.
"It's okay, Mommy..I bet he's not mad."
Karen reached up and hugged Carly back tightly. She stifled a sob, quickly trying to regain her composure, and wiping the tears away as they broke the hug.
"I really hope so, honey..I really hope so."
Finally getting control and stopping the tears, Karen smiled again.
"But..I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. I promised your Uncle that I'd go see somebody tomorrow..And I'm going to. In fact..We're both going to.."
She stood back up, giving a quick nod.
"Yeah, that's right. I'm keeping this promise..And while I know it can't make up for the one I broke..It's never going to happen again. Ever.."
It was the promise that she had broken that had started the problems with AJ in the first place..And while her promise to her brother was an unrelated matter, she wasn't about to make the same mistake twice. Though she didn't want to see her father for different reasons than why she was afraid to visit Max, it almost felt the same. It would be different this time..
"We're going to visit Grandpa tomorrow.."
"Grandpa?"
Karen smiled softly, nodding.
"That's right.."